This entry is mostly aimed at myself. It is about my being adopted. I was always told that I was adopted since I was old enough to understand, about 4 years old. I grew up having a very happy childhood. I always wondered who my biological family was, who did I look like, what was the circumstances that led to my being given up for adoption. I also knew I would never search for my biological family until my adoptive parents had passed away. I was very close to them and felt it would be a slap in the face to them if I did. They never made me feel that I shouldn't do it, in fact, they encouraged me to but I felt it was an act of betrayal towards them.
Most states that have "closed" adoptions will not release identifying information. I had written to the state of Oregon's vital records department to get the "non-identifying" information. I wanted to know my medical history in case I had a genetic problem and could pass it on to my child. I received a letter back with little information, so I thought. It basically said I had no medical problems. The information was a letdown. I thought I would receive more information.
When I became a flight attendant, I left my parents in San Diego and moved to the Detroit area. My mom passed away in 1995. My dad passed away several years later in 1999. A few months after my dad passed, I came home from a trip and turned on CNN Headline News. They were talking about a new law that had just passed in Oregon opening up adoption records to persons over the age of 21. The next day, I contacted the state of Oregon to put my name on the list to get my original birth certificate. For the next six months, the state of Oregon debated whether this new law was constitutional. Finally, they decided the law would stand.
It was June 2000 when I received an envelope in the mail. I looked at the return address and saw that it was from the state of Oregon. I became very emotional. I showed it to my boyfriend, now my husband. He told me to open it. I said I didn't know if I could. He told me he would if I couldn't. I opened the envelope and saw my birth mother's name and started to cry uncontrollably for what seems like five minutes. I had finally found out my biological roots.
After three days of absorbing what I had received, I got on the Internet and did a surname search in the area I was born for anyone still living there with that surname. I found six names. I proceeded to go down the list, calling each one for information. The last one I called belonged to my biological mother's sister-in-law. I gave her my name and number and she said she would pass it along to my biological mother. When I returned from my trip, I checked my voicemails and there was a message from my biological mother. She sounded just like me! I returned her call and we spoke for two hours. I found that I was genetically English. I had always felt that I was English and French.
I am among the 5 million adopted people in the United States today, many of us searching for our roots. While most genealogy is like an archeologist unearthing layer after layer of history, adoptees are unpuzzling more contemporary mysteries--like where we got our brown eyes or why our big toe is shorter than our second toe. For most adoptees, just the ethnic identification helps our sense of self. The real reason people search is to solve the dual identity we've lived with so long. We may feel like an alien or an outsider, and searching for our birth family grounds us. I personally never felt that way but it did fill a hole in my life. It completed my broken circle when I could put factual information into place.
Some 60 percent of adoptees will successfully search for their birth family information. It turns out the letter I received with non-identifying information, actually did have identifying information. In the subject line it accidentally identified me as Baby Girl Esgate. Obviously, I was so excited to read the body of the letter that I totally blew by the subject line. If I had been paying attention, I would have had the last name several years earlier.
When I had received the letter, I proceeded to register with the state of Oregon's Adoption Registry. By being in the registry, my biological parents would be given my information to contact me if they also registered.
I know I lucked out twice. I was raised in a loving family and found my other family for the next 40 years. There aren't too many people who can say that.
No comments:
Post a Comment